College Angst

Last Saturday while Scott and I were de-junking our extra bedroom that has been overcome by storage, I found my folder of poetry from high school and college. I read through a bunch of poems, most of which are depressing or insignificant (and quite frankly, terrible), but I found these two that I wrote in college that are kind of interesting.......... Please keep in mind that these poems are almost 8 years old, and I was in a very different place in my life when I wrote them. Also I don't know what they mean (Or I just don't want to tell you!!), but I don't share my poetry very often, so consider yourself lucky.

Poem 1- originally written October 2001~

It sneaks up so smoothly one day at a time,
Emotions so small you don't give second mind,
Suddenly comes as an urge of complaint,
With unshackled hands I feel the restraint,
Try to move on as I know that I must,
My soul's overcome with temptation and lust,
My hands and my thoughts I try to hold back,
But in the end, everytime, is a stab in the back,
And things cross my mind ever day that I breathe,
That a God-given remedy won't seem to relieve,
In frustration and anger I run from regret,
But a constant reminder won't let me forget,
Confidence pulls at my already worn mind,
I seem to let go of the thing that I find,
Seeping in feelings of guilt and offense,
Will rule my faint world and appear to make sense,
I swat at the battles that never decrease,
To open old wounds that give no release,
My mind clutters with all the moons of the past,
While words of deceit are uneasily cast,
So my teary-eyed thoughts, exhausted with shame,
Will remain in the walls of my head, unnamed.

Poem 2 originally written September 2001~

The door is closed
people talking without
making sense
nameless faces in the window
with twinkle in their eyes.

The old couple sits on a bench
nearby
feeding imaginary pigeons
they remind me of
scary movies
They speak only amongst themselves
to ignore
the anxious crowd.

There is a stairway leading
to a damp basement
it feels like I have been here before
with conversations
like magazines.

I hear the sound of water
dripping, distantly
on imperfect cement
falling
falling
and my line never
moves.

So please don't hold back and tell me what you think. Even though these poems are super old they bring back strong memories for me, especially the second one. I would love to hear your thoughts on them.