My Poor Baby...

They say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."  Well, I'm strong enough!  Its someone else's turn to be strong.

Malcolm is in the hospital.  On friday (the 28th) he turned one week old.  He woke up with a bunch of goop in his left eye, and it was a little swollen and red.  As the day wore on I got concerned because the swelling seemed to increase.  Suddenly around noon he tried to open his eye, when he did a large amount of yellow-orange puss came flooding out.  I immediately called the pediatrician and got him an appointment for later that afternoon.

The pediatrician did not like the look of Malcolm's eye and thought he needed to be admitted to the hospital, but he wanted to get a second opinion from a pediatric opthamologist.  We went straight from his office to the opthamolgist's office.  She did a culture swab, dilated his eyes and did a thorough exam, and agreed that he needed to be in the hospital.  We were admitted to St. Lukes by 6:00 that evening.

Since that time poor Malcolm has been tested for every bacteria under the sun.  They've done cultures on the puss, he had a spinal tap to test for spinal meningitis, and they are testing his blood too.  While they wait for things to come back he was put on 4 different antibiotics.  We were under the impression that if the eye looked better soon we'd go home on Monday (today), so when the infection cleared up we were ready to leave.  Unfortunately, yesterday the doctor informed us that we'd have to stay for the entire course of the antibiotic to run, because it is only available in IV...that's two weeks.  I was devastated.  To add insult to injury, his right eye began to get infected yesterday, just as the left one cleared up.  This has EVERYONE confused.

So far we have test results back on a multitude of things, like several STD's (which I think was a waste of time, since I know that's not what it is, but whatever), spinal meningitis, staff infection, strep, and many, many others....All are negative.  No one know what it is, or why its now showing up in the other eye.  Its very frustrating.  The doctors did a nasal swab this afternoon to begin testing for viral infection now (which would render the antibiotics useless), but we wont know the results for many days I'm sure.

I just feel a little picked on right now.  I think we've gone through enough this year.  Everyone says, just remember you can do hard things.  Just because I can, doesn't mean I want to!  I'm sick of being in the hospital, I miss my husband, my other kids, my bed, my schedule.  I'm sick of strangers seeing me breastfeed, or pump, or cry.  I don't want to do this anymore.  I just want to go home.  I'm trying to be strong, especially for my family, but its really hard.  I'm trying to be grateful that Malcolm is still nursing fine, gaining weight, pooping and peeing like normal, doesn't have a fever or any other symptom, and I am grateful...but its hard while we are in this situation.

I'm especially grateful to our ward who is helping out a lot.  Bringing meals to my family, helping with the kids so Scott can work, etc.  Its a hard thing for me to ask others to help so much, but I'm glad they were willing to do it anyway.  Maybe that's what Heavenly Father wanted me to learn...to ask for and accept help from others, and if it is.....I GOT THE MESSAGE!!  Can this be over now?

Please keep my baby boy in your prayers!  Thanks for reading all my blubbering.