My favorite post on hyperbole and a half (a super funny comic blog) is the sneaky hate spiral. It discusses how a person can basically wake up with things going wrong, and that as they keep going wrong throughout the day it leads you to erupt into a violent rage. I think I'm having one of those days.
The day started out like any other, until I went into the bathroom to shower and smashed my pinky-toe so hard into the wall that I wanted to crawl into the fetal position, cry, and curse all at the same time.
The day moved forward.
I needed to go to walmart to pick up some school supplies for Corbin. School starts next Tuesday, so I really need to get this done. I proceeded to dress the children, brush Ivy's hair, pack up the diaper bag, and buckle Echo into the car-seat. Just then Echo exploded with poop up the back of her onsie. I unbuckled her, cleaned the poop, got her some more clothes and buckled her up once again. Then I sent the kids to the van to get in their seats.
I suddenly realized that I didn't know where my wallet was. I started searching in the usual places. In between the seats of the van, in the glove compartment, under the seats, in the diaper bag, in the pockets of all my pants, on my dresser, on my nightstand etc. It wasn't there. Meanwhile the kids are not getting in their seats and are instead fighting over who gets to open the garage door. It starts opening and closing 8 million times. I start searching the not so usual places for my wallet. The garbage, the dishwasher, the fridge, between couch cushions etc. Also not there.
I decide the store isn't going to happen if my wallet has vanished so I force the kids to close the garage and come back in the house. By this time Echo is screaming. I turn on a movie for the kids, unbuckle Echo, sit in the rocking chair and start nursing her. As I was sitting I started wracking my brain to figure out when I last had my wallet. I realized the last time I used it was last wednesday when I went to walmart to buy supplies for our trip to Bear Lake. I immediately called them up, and they indeed had my wallet! I was so relieved, and so mad at myself for leaving it at the cash register. I'm such an idiot.
I finished nursing. Told the kids walmart was back on, stopped the movie, rebuckled poor Echo, and got everyone successfully into the van. Things went smoothly for a few minutes. We stopped at customer service to get my wallet, which still contained all my stuff, and headed to the school supply section. I realized I left the school provided supply list in the van. Bad words came to mind thinking I would have to go all the way back out to the car. Just then I spotted a Meridian School District School Supply List Center. And in that little center sat a lovely list for Corbin's elementary school. I sent a little thank you to walmart telepathically and started shopping.
Things went south fast. I quickly realized that the school must have an awful sense of humor. The list called for things like, an 8 oz bottle of Elmers white glue all, 8 oz bottles of Elmers white glue all don't exist from what I can see. I got two 4 oz bottles. 1 box 12 large water-based colored markers. 12!!! Are you kidding me? There are packs of 10, packs of 18, packs of 30 and packs of 60. No packs of 12!! I bought the 10 pack. I discovered both of these problems within the first two minutes, and it only got worse. The post it notes were in a different section, I made a mental note to get them after everything else. The list then called for specific colors for pocket folders-red, green, yellow and blue. I had to search for like 10 minutes to find the one and only blue pocket folder in existence. By the time I got to the 12 oz bottle of hand santizer and they only had 2 oz or 40 oz containers I gave up. I crumpled the list in my hands, clenched my teeth and fought the intense urge to swear loudly.
While we were checking out Ivy and Dexter decided it was the perfect time to fight over the stupid 10 pack of markers until they were both crying out loud and the box was ripped. Corbin quickly announced that he needed to go poop. I told Corbin to hold it, threatened the other kids with death if they didn't stop fighting and crying, and finally stomped out of that store. After buckling the kids in the car I realized I forgot the damn post it notes.
I can't wait to find out what happens next.
6 comments:
Oh, you poor thing. The banging your toe was just plain bad luck, but the school supply list + Walmart + 4 kids is just a recipe for disaster. I'm glad you made it out alive. I think all schools should do what our Elementary School does -- charge the kids $25 and then the teachers can go buy their OWN school supplies and get the special 12 oz bottle of this and 10 count pack of that. You should suggest it to your PTO President. Unfortunately the Middle School charges you a $25 materials fee and then gives you another list on top of that. But the Elementary School plan is awesome!
Wow!!! I'm sorry about your poor toe. And although it was an herendous day for you...I think it sounds like a perfect plot for a sitcom. It could have the same title as your blog! I laughed and laughed,because it brought back so many memories. You are the BEST storyteller ever. I hope your day gets better sweetie.
This is exactly why, as a teacher, I get everything essential for school that a kid needs. If they want to bring special markers, pencils, folders, notebooks, etc... great. If not, I have what they need, and no mothers have to feel like cussing in the aisles of Walmart. I've done that more than a few times myself, and I wasn't toting 4 kids...!
At least tomorrow will be better. Right?
You should've gone to Target. I pull my hair every time I go into Wal-mart and curse myself every time I go back. Hope the rest of the day didn't stink as bad.
Oh my goodness Chelle! I am so sorry for you but that was freaking hilarious! I was reading it out loud to Shane and we couldn't stop laughing:) I have sooooo had one of those days! I hope your day evened out some and that tomorrow is even better.
I did the exact same thing about 3 weeks ago. I woke up and was walking into the bathroom and I kicked the wall so hard with my baby toe. I am pretty sure that I broke it. It hurt so bad and it takes so long to heal. I have banged it about 3 more times since I broke it and the pain is excruciating! I feel your pain. I sometimes wonder if we would be better off without that baby toe. Hope your toe feels better soon.
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