Confessions of a Sleep Deprived Mom

It has now been 13 months exactly since we first brought our little Ivy home from the hospital. 15 months and 25 days since she was born, and therefore, 15 months and 25 days of my getting up every three hours to feed our little girl. Technically for the first 7 weeks I didn't feed her every three hours, I pumped for breast milk every three hours (which was worse, it was uncomfortable, freezing cold, and took forever!). Of course there are a few exemptions to the 15 months and 25 days, such as, she's been hospitalized twice since then, and during each of those times I got one night of uninterrupted slumber. That's it.

Now it's no secret that this isn't exactly my favorite part of being this special girls mom. Mostly because I complain about it to any and everyone who will listen. Any mom knows what I am talking about, getting up to feed your baby at night is hard, but at least most babies begin to sleep through the night between about 6 months to a year of age. Mine did too, except, I was forbidden to allow it. On doctor's orders I still had to wake up every three hours to feed her, whether she was awake or not. Not fun, for either one of us.

Recently, Sweet Ivy started to crawl (well...scoot, whatever). She's adventurous and excited to check out all the corners of the house and explores on a regular basis. This is all great news except that, now she doesn't want to sleep anymore. She fights bedtime and naptime. FIGHTS IT!! She used to lay down for both easily. We'd put her down while she was still awake, give her the paci, pull up her blankets, and she'd snuggle down and go to sleep. Not anymore. Now we lay her down, she refuses the paci, kicks the blanket away, and cries herself to sleep. EVERY TIME. This isn't even the worst part. I still have to get up with her in the night, when I do, she drinks her bottle and then throws a fit instead of going back to sleep. So I rock her in the rocking chair, and she sleeps. I try to put her back in the crib, she wakes up and throws a fit all over again. Its frustrating.

Last night I had had enough. When she woke up for her 12:45 am feeding, I gave her the bottle and she refused it. I tried to give her the paci, again she refused it. She kicked her blanket off and cried....and cried....and cried. I picked her up and rocked her, for 20 minutes and she slept. I try to lay her down, she wakes up and again throws a fit. I walked away, closed the door behind me, went back to my room, turned off the baby monitor, and went back to sleep. I don't know how long she cried, or if she cried again. I slept. I slept until 7:30 am.

Now I feel guilty, but I've come to a decision. I don't care what the doctor says. I am going to ween her from needing to eat at night. I've already got one rough night behind me! She's gaining good weight now and I don't feel she needs it anymore...and I just can't take it anymore! I think I'll keep this a secret from the doctor and nurse until its already done, so they don't try to talk me out of it. I bet her weight gain will still be fine and they won't even notice.

Ivy has survived night one, and doesn't seem food deprived or angry...on to night two!

Ps...HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!