Reaching a milestone we didn't know we'd reach.

Today is Ivy's fifth birthday.  I am so happy.

I keep finding myself overcome with emotion today. Not while I'm busy with the kids, but in moments of reflection. I silently cried while I drove Ivy to preschool this morning, and wept openly as I cleaned the kitchen this afternoon. I don't know what the deal is. In these rare, quiet moments I get lost in my thoughts and feel so overwhelmingly grateful for these last five years. 

When all of this started back in June 2008 I didn't know what to feel. I feared that I would lose the tiny baby growing inside of me. I cried myself to sleep more times than I care to admit. I was devastated. But then she was born, and she was the most beautiful little baby. somehow Scott and I found the strength to make it through those hard days. And believe me, that first year of her life was HARD. And now I find myself 5 years later and I wouldn't change even a moment. My daughter is special. I am special because I am her mother. Heavenly Father gave us a beautiful gift and our entire family is better for it.

Ivy's heart will never be like ours and she will have to struggle with the ups and downs that come with it her entire life, but she is strong and she is amazing. I wish I could do these hard things for her, but I can't. I can only stand by her side, hold her hands, and tell her how much I love her and I know everything will be alright. I just have so much love for her.

I still fear what the future holds for Ivy, but I also have an abundance of hope.  This little tiny girl has already accomplished so much and I know she will do great things whether she lives to be 100 or not. I am so happy to have Ivy in my life.  She is a beacon on light and hope for us and I am so proud of her.

Happy 5th birthday, Ivy!  I love and adore you!